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Wednesday, June 03, 2009
moving
9:06 AM
Hi guys, I'm moving to a new blog -- liannestilllovesu.tumblr.comBut I'm not deleting this blog just because...("amidst all the crap are a few things worth holding onto." -- grey's anatomy)
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
and then i laughed.
2:23 PM
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the accident of evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, just in time to see a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw the bear closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him. At that instant, he cried out, "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped... The bear froze; the forest was silent; even the river stopped moving. A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky, saying, "You deny My existence all of these years; teach others I don't exist; even credit My creation to a cosmic accident, and now do you expect Me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist, ever so proud, looked into the light and said, "It would be rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years. But could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, the sounds of the forest continued, and the bear put his paw down. The man breathed a sigh of relief. Then the bear brought both paws together, bowed his head and said: "Lord, I thank you for this food, which I am about to receive." from:eChristianstories.com Sunday, May 24, 2009
sitting this one out
9:13 PM
It's been 4 years since I started attending Jzone. Actually, it was a SOULStop night and I remember that I almost did not go. It began to rain hard, it was late, and our tire got a bad problem. I was late so I did not have time to change after practice and I was anxiously texting with Atid the entire time. I think it was one way of keeping myself from backing out, because I knew I really might...but deep in my heart, I knew that if I didn't go that time, I will never. I even ensured I would go by inviting my friend Sandra who hasn't been to church in a long time as well and saying yes to a dinner with her after. I even asked Jan-Ace to tag along as well. Walang takas na, as the saying goes. So I got there, very late, end of the message, got a seat, felt the stares of people and I took a deep breath. It was that deciding breath. Lord, I want to do this. I really do. Help me believe I was meant to be here. The closing song started and it was...and I felt this in my heart before the first chords played, HEART OF WORSHIP, my ultimate favorite praise song. "I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about you, it's all about you, Jesus." Indeed, I was coming back and Jesus was welcoming me with open arms.I went to Jzone the following week. I was late, yet again. And I almost didn't go, yet again. But I did. I was in awe at the size of the population there, coming from a church whose youth ministry was just starting. I felt so small but as if reading my thoughts, Atid put her hand on my shoulder and said "I'm so happy you made it." The rest, as they say, is history. It was like a dance. The first steps timid, the movements awkward, but as the song kept playing, as my partner was the most excellent dancer, I began to get into the rhythm of it all. I joined my first ministry, an unlikely one at that, at the prodding of my discipler Tina and the beautiful revelation of God that it was not the frontstage that I was used to where He would use me this time. He wanted me to go behind the scenes, He wanted things to be different this time. I stepped out of the boat and onto the water, officially joining a D12 after the safe, happy two-on-one accountability sessions I had with Atid and Tina. And further more heart stretching after that when I joined Kris Ann's DGroup. A bunch of new people, a whole new set of lives to involve myself in, a brand new set of reasons to break down my walls. Then I stopped dancing. I guess I stopped hearing the music playing, or it got drowned out when I stopped paying attention to the new steps I had to learn. I fell, and because so many hands were offered to me to pull me back up, I got confused and took the wrong ones. Oh the dizzying frenzy that followed. Bruises, wounds, traumas...a mere worn out pair of dancing shoes. I wanted my first partner back. He came and He picked me up again, in the gentlest, sweetest way. He didn't say anything. He didn't ask me where I've been, why I left or condemned how badly I danced. We simply picked up where we left off. I never regretted dancing ever since. Of all the twists, twirls and tumbles I encountered in our dance, He held on. Even during the many times my vision blurred with tears, we kept moving. The several times I almost slipped, too tired to keep up, He never let me go. There were moments when I couldn't understand the music, there were times when it was too faint to hear, but one look at Him and I knew I couldn't give this up. It's been 4 years since I started attending Jzone. Sometimes I want to go, just 4 years? All that drama and jazz, all that stretching and growing, that was just 4 years? And then sometimes I go, wow Lord, it's been 4 years. I have never loved, cried, laughed, forgiven, given, accepted, served, lead, and LIVED more in those 4 years than any other 4 years of my life. We've been dancing for 4 years. Di pa rin ako nagsasawa, Lord. Though the recent major changes and circumstances have made me question my place on the dance floor, He still did not let go. He held me tighter, held me closer to Him and whispered "Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?" (Romans 8:35) NOTHING. NOTHING CAN. Not even a change of music, of dance floors can. I almost got swept away by the changes in music and the switches of dance floors. I almost forgot it is who I'm dancing with that matters. It is my partner that will lead and take me places. It is my partner I should look at, not anything or anyone else. And so with this discovery I asked if we could stop for awhile, if that would be okay. If I could rest my tired feet and just sit out the coming songs. In the same gentle and sweet way that is close to my heart, He said yes. He assured me that it would not mean our separation, nor my failure. On the contrary, He assured me it was a much needed break so we could spend more time together. He assured me that it wasn't the dance He was really after, but my heart. And if my heart is tired from dancing right now, it's okay that I take a break. 4 years ago, I started this dance with God. 4 years into the future, I don't know if I'll be dancing to the same song we started with but I do know I'll still be dancing. I want to. I just need to find new dancing shoes to dance in hahaha :) I look forward, and am excited to what is in store. Happy feet. Happy dancing :) Tuesday, May 19, 2009
peyton was right
5:26 PM
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
walking on love
2:56 PM
 I never got it right with sizes. Not from the previous ones anyway. But I always got it right with him. I knew when it was too big, too small and just right. That's why in advance I'd be able to say hey this is too big but I just had to buy it for you. The pair of shoes I bought for his graduation though was a big risk. They were quite a price but I felt that it was worth it. But then it failed. It was too big. And shirts are okay for that, but shoes are harder to adjust to. But he chose to wear it. On the walking capital of the world where you do nothing but walk really, he chose to bring the pair of shoes and wear them. According to him, it was 'walking on our love so that the love you put into buying them is not wasted' It was really sweet, more than any word can capture. But more than the 'kilig factor,' I am now realizing how he just modeled Christ's love with that simple, noble act. I often take risks with my life. I'm a free spirit...I'm spontaneous like crazy. And when I took big risks before, I usually knew where I was going to land. But there were uncalculated risks that left me lying flat on my face. Despite that though, Jesus chose to crucify himself on His love for me. In the most hostile planet in the universe littered with people who are only too eager to give up on seemingly hopeless cases like me, He chose to stay and love me. He chose the harder road just to let me know, my love, no matter how imperfect, is not wasted. I am indeed so blessed. And even if I get discouraging thoughts more lately in light of the recent event we went to, I want to keep walking. Because I got it right this time, my perfect fit. I chose the best one. So I'll keep walking on love :) Friday, April 17, 2009
10:16 AM
 i LOVE this ad.the world is so much bigger than i thought it was. i'm inspired today. hahaha. love it.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
and so it fell
10:35 PM
it's funny. the only time that i am selfish is when everything becomes right. hmmm. when i am giving all of i am -- time, money, attention, heart, feet, hands, body, everything is so heavy. but when i stop caring, i feel at peace. ah, the beauty of indifference. the beauty of the wall.the little girl that was trying so hard to keep the wall from going back into her world is giving up. she is letting the wall fall back into her world. she is collapsing onto the soft bed of flowers and letting the bricks of the wall just pour in, day by day, apathetic word after apathetic word. what's the use? she feels like a failure anyway. she will just keep on falling until she collapses. i'm collapsing. and if everything else follows suit, let someone else pick it up. this girl is too tired to pick up stuff because her strength has been drained from holding it up. maybe she shouldn't have held it up anymore. walking away one step at a time. Lord, only you know how tired i am cause only You knew how much weight i was carrying. and you let me collapse. thanks Lord. really. this is the best fall i have ever experienced. i don't want to wake up just yet. wake me up when the world ends :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
no more words
10:31 PM
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"learn to wait and trust"
2:15 PM
 this picture is entitled, 'watching and waiting.' beautiful picture i found googling the word 'waiting.' learn to wait. i think that's the hard part. i can do chapter 1 and chapter 3 but chapter 2, the one in the middle, the one in the transition period, the WAITING...ugh, the agony. i've been in the 'i won't expect, i won't wait, i won't hope' end of the spectrum after the 'it's possible, it will come, there is hope' side. but the waiting portion of the spectrum is the difficult one. it is the MEAT. it is the BODY. the epilogue and the prologue are okay. but where would the story be? but i think i'm learning. somehow, i don't think it's waiting so much as it is, detaching. detaching myself from...everything. and everyone. just disentangling myself from all of it. cause God knows the past weeks (or maybe unconsciously years) have made me a distorted person with extreme episodes of cynicism and optimism. besides, i have managed, all on my own, to complicate things that are quite simple already. and now i am reaping its consequences every single waking moment. UGH. let's wait and see ;)
Friday, March 20, 2009
...
2:30 PM
i give up. does anybody hear me? i give up.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
you changed my life :)
9:55 AM
so after all the cryptic sad entries, here's a lighter one.we watched you changed my life. hahaha. movies are therapeutical. and while everyone raved about how funny it was, i cried for half of the movie. no kidding. and there was a part where i really couldn't stop crying (this is a light entry!?!?!?i said lighter) hahaha. it was that scene where they were having a fight and broke up and sarah said 'akala mo ikaw lang ang pagod? ako din pagod na. pagod na akong maghintay kung kailan ka dadating, pagod na akong umasa sa mga promieses mo...' the other words drowned already. i was just crying. hahaha. if the first movie was super kilig, this one was super real. it really happens. i guess i cried because i wanted to ask to anyone who would really listen, akala mo ikaw lang pagod? HAHA. minsan meron akong momentary katopakan eh when i just want to burst out like that -- ano, ano, ano? hahaha. lakas ng trip. anyway, sunday was like THE climax, the final crescendo...SO many things happened. but as usual, i am tasked to keep going, endowed with much optimism to keep it all together to hold other people together...it's just my life. put my emotions and weariness on hold because it's too inconvenient for people. egotistic? i won't be upset if you say that. but really, it's the reality. some people just have to suck it in, and deal with it -- and everyone else hahaha. i'm one of them. but anyways, God is good. He is my super hero of all time. i feel SO loved. i feel SO kept together because of Him. i see hope because of Him. HAY :) i'm in love with Jesus. last week was so tiring but it made me realign my heart, it made me see His love once again -- that it is incomprehensible and amazing and REAL and FOR me. the way He made me believe and did not give up on me this week was...there are no words for it. indiscribable. i'm just so joyful because of that :) HE changed my life in a moment and i will never be the same again :)
Friday, March 13, 2009
day 4:coming home
2:37 PM
Hello world Hope you're listening Forgive me if I’m young For speaking out of turn There’s someone I’ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me They’re in their own place trying to make it right But I’m tired of justifying So i say you’ll.. Come home Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I’ve ever known So come home Oooh I get lost in the beauty Of everything i see The world ain’t as half as bad As they paint it to be If all the sons If all the daughters Stopped to take it in Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin It might start now..Yeahh Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud Until then Come home Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I’ve ever known Ever known So come home Oooh Everything i can’t be Is everything you should be And that’s why i need you here Everything i can’t be Is everything you should be And that’s why i need you here So hear this now Come home Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I’ve ever known Ever known So come home Come home -- Come Home by One Republic -- this was a song i heard just today. it was a song from a guy who lost a girl he really loved, who let her go but now he wants her back. it really just spoke to me. there are so many words that come into mind that i could use to describe the weeks that i've gone through just recently...but bland wouldn't be one of them. the past weeks have so much life in it that i began to get too scared and overwhelmed if i could even handle it. of course, i couldn't. not on my own anyway. this song is about asking someone to come back, something i haven't seen in awhile. about having hope, something i lost touch with recently. about realizing that everything you needed to be right was actually right already, you just failed to see it. this is the perfect song to end this week. you know yesterday i was too out of it that i accidentally threw my eyeglasses in the trash in the restroom instead of the tissue paper. yes. there i was in the cubicle of the restroom, took off my eyeglasses to blink back tears and in the process threw the glasses into the trash bin. and it took me three seconds to realize what i just did. and i wanted to laugh but i was too sad by my messiness that i couldn't. and i said sorry to God for being like this, for hurting Him by being sooo sad. it's just that so much has happened, i don't know if i should believe anymore, i told Him. then a few minutes later, as i sat ay my desk in the office, trying to be as busy as i can be, my friend from the office placed a card on my desk and said 'for you, lia.' and as i stared at the card i really had to shake my head and smile and get teary eyed at the same time. the card had a beautiful picture of sove flying above the world and behind the world is a beautiful picture of the ocean. and it says "nothing is impossible with God." and as if that wasn't enough, when i told her thank you she said something like "may plan talaga si God kasi i just found it now and it's been with me for the longest time. i think it's really for you." hay tama ba yun? hahaha. i think that says it all. come home now, God was saying. all week i've been wanting to go home into eternity but in that moment God said not yet, not yet. you can come home into my arms to rest but until you start believing again in fairy tales, in happy endings, in love conquering all, in the impossibly good...i'm not giving up on you. hay Lord. ang ganda ko naman para ganyanin mo ako. hahaha :) ['you don't know, you don't get it do you? you don't know how beautiful you are' - u2] so wherever you are right now, whatever you're going through, i hope you don't give up. i hope you find this fight worth fighting. because it ain't over till it's over :) Thursday, March 12, 2009
day 3
4:06 PM
this is a not so good day. thank God for work. and food. and crazy twins that are so honest and sincere in loving and missing you.i got more pangs of pain in the heart today. mostly because i don't have much strength to just enjoy the present because somewhere at the back of my mind, i know it might be fleeting. i haven't had the chance to cry since tuesday night. feels like a century ago. maybe i shall have one again tonight. maybe i'll be too spent to do so. maybe. life is a one big maybe. and you just gotta take chances if you're to get anywhere. i don't really feel like going anywhere. i'm tired. i'm upset. i'm hurting. i don't want to go anywhere.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
when you're hurting...
9:32 AM
you break out into a song hahahaMy body bends, your body bows We double then unfurl Oh we unfold Then I collapse into your bones Though when courage leaves me I still collapse alone So light a candle in your window I’ll be hiding till the sun goes down And if that candle still lights up your window I’ll climb on up to you To our own accidents we’re prone So I will let me fate remain unknown And out on this battlefield I know I’m all arms and elbows Still fighting back the beaks of crows But one day I might not exist I know But the candle in your window Still finds the light in every night And I’ll be searching for your glow after I go --Candle in the Window by Josh Pyke--
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
collide.
9:30 AM
i never ever thought i'd have this feeling again. this feeling where my stomach is tied in knots and i literally try sleeping on all angles but i can't. and my breaths come in short gasps and my feet are icy cold. and my hands can barely move even though they want to so desperately clutch something. anything. and i'm hungry so hungry but i don't have an appetite so i'm all acidic. and weak. like about to faint. i must've ran to the bathroom around 5 times last night. but it never eased the pain. i fell asleep only to dream about him. first time ever to dream of someone who left. sign? i don't know. sign for what? i don't know. that is pain and heart ache in its rawest form. and there's really no one who understands what i'm going through. no one but Him. and He just keeps telling me He loves me. and i keep saying i want to go home na. and the tears just won't stop. like i thought i'd be able to be numb in the office but here i am, crying. i want to go home na. my calling, my plans...where did they go. how can love not be enough? how can miracles not be enough? how? why me again? how am i supposed to believe that love conquers all when i never saw it conquer anything in my life. and how am i supposed to believe in second chances. are promises real only at the moment they are spoken? i want to quit. i want to disappear. i want to fast forward time to the day when i'll be going home. where all tears will be gone. where i am accepted, imperfect edges and all. i want to be numb. i just want to not care. i just want to be indifferent. i just want my heart to stop feeling. i want to stop being so vulnerable and fragile and open to the world. everyone will say i'll be okay, i always have been. perhaps. i've braved many storms and people say i've come out unscathed. but only He knows. only He knows all the scars my heart have received. only He knows the corners of fear that linger in my heart. only He knows that i live on His grace alone. only He knows that in the inside i am dying to have hope and not have it lost again. but i am losing it again. happy ever afters are indeed overrated. i held on for so long. believed for so long. jumped for miracles to His heart's content and now i don't know why i'm here. i've made wrong turns but i don't know why i'm here. i don't know why the world has to be so cruel. i just want to go home. cause even if i survive this, i am left alone again. all alone. life goes on and it doesn't stop for anyone. anyone at all, not even if you feel like you're the most unfortunate and most emotionally ruined person which is nearly what i am now. i know that. i know i have to suck it up eventually if i don't want to end up lying unconscious on some sidewalk drunk. i meant my part of the deal. no more again. cause he was the last one i was willing to love. this is the last love story i am willing to participate in. and you know that, Dad. and you gave him to me and...i don't know where to go from here Father. i'm tired of fighting. and running. i just want to go home. take me home. this is nothing compared to the cross this i know. and i love you Jesus for the cross. please take me home now."even the best fall down sometimes..." - howie day (collide) from the album, 'stop the world now. 'hahaha. stop the world now please.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
and they said i will be the busy one
9:47 AM
lianne.
Monday, March 02, 2009
2:22 PM
I search for You God of strengthI bow to You in my brokenness And no other King could have so humbly come To save my soul and heal my heart I have nothing more than all You offer me There is nothing else that’s of worth to me And I love You Lord You rescued me You are all that I want You’re all that I need I pray to You God of peace I rest in You my cares released I have nothing more than all You offer me There is nothing else that’s of worth to me And I love You Lord You rescued me You are all that I want You’re all that I need In Your freedom I will live In Your freedom I will live I offer devotion, I offer devotion - In Your Freedom by Hillsong Australia -
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Profiling
lianne is granelli anne for long. haha. lianne is saved. only through faith. only by an amazing grace. chingkit.
proud to be pinay. kastilaloy. small nose. MABABAW. addicted to color green. crazy about blue. just the color. absolutely adores yellow.
soft yellow. first love: purple. yihee. finds comfort in eating ice cream. all sorts of flavors. MATAKAW. soulmate loves strawberry
cheesecake ice cream. and her of course. harharhar. in love with the rain. and vice versa. dancing is therapeutical. aylhaveeet.
rock rocks pare. from rehab of procrastination. grace under pressure. photofinish papers. morphs when watching basketball games.
i dont bleed blue or green. i bleed and its the real thing. unibersidad ng pilipinas. miss playing volleyball. watches WWE. dunno why.
dreams of watching world cup. and sitting on the actual field to scream. driving is relaxing. speed is an exhilarating rush. carssss are hottt.
enjoys eating. anything but dinuguan. isaw will do. a beautiful mess. darn optimist. works hard. works even when it hurts. UP fervent maroon. likes walking.
runs when problematic. or just want to use excess energy. finishing a playstation game is productive. wii. one-man woman. jackets. big dreamer.
fashion is an art. comic lover. finds spidey and wolvie sexy. for dc there's only batman. movies cheer me up. adopted province: hongkong. but from nueva ecija. treasure my alapaap
girls. my mare. cherish jzone. prayer. soul stop. has a happy dance. spontaneous. communication is vital. hygienically clean guys please. sucker for lilies. and daisies.
stargazers too. killer for cakes. can watch 50 first dates over and over again. and still cry. i love the Lord with all that i am. He breaks my walls.
when all else fades my soul will dance with Him. where love lasts forever. fancy japanese and italian food. often craves streetfood.
a romantic but not hopeless. laughter is medicine. loves love. loves to love. lives to love. soul of a writer. impressed by humility. shoes i love. not easily starstruck.
forgiveness is a choice. pms monster. circle of friends is a melting pot. not an idealist. but hopeful. always hopeful. heroes include bono,
stan lee, isabel allende, cs lewis, philip yancey, and my GB. but no one beats Jesus Christ. d12 is love. desirable. woohoo. moved by compassion. magnetic. dont ask why. stay away.
nothing gets to me like judgmental people. gossipers too. im perfectly imperfect. long, hot showers. malls. wished people trusted more. wished i trusted more. artistahin.
not a coffee but a tea drinker. loves coffee shops though. coffee smell. nakakahigh. fiercely loyal btw. could spend hours just walking around in a bookstore.
family is a gift. journ major. potato lover. cant live without fries. sushi. city:makati. milo everyday. folds burger wrappers. fetish for jeans.
soft spot for children. cause kids are honest. loves loud happy people. everyday should be christmas. favorite number 7. maging sino ka man. primetime bida fan. but a kapuso. frustrated breakdancer.
and skateboarder. little mermaid fan. sweetie. one day at a time. kid at heart. lifeverse:1 Corinthians 13:8. Luke 22:42 is my prayer.rainbows bring me hope.
life theme song:somewhere over the rainbow. cheerdancing. character theme song:alabaster box. number one desire:long sleep. doesn't sleep early. likes beaches. never been to one in ages.
apostle paul wow. apostle john. awwww. shopaholic. groceries are fun. cats are purrfect. dogs are loveable. would love to have a dolphin. polar bears too. and white tigers at home.
what i wear depends on what i feel. but why and how i love doesn't. it shouldn't.
I LOVE YOU :)
Loves
anakchong shobe girlfriend mimi my besh sir teodoro ma'am sarah sassy lawyer kapatid purp ma'am khan trish puno stox marge noel karen's art nelllyyy bingbing lilsis jam sammie dottie joanna grace maya anna lolo yux baby aia poch ang ina mo Bible gateway style.com vera wang astigirl Girl Talkl Tag me
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